2007-09-07

Thoughts about myself

Long time no see. Not any special things happened. I've got home for
days. I've not got many things to do, so I have some time to think
about myself. (At school days, I'm always busy with my study,
homework, projects etc.)

I've just found myself somewhat cold-minded, I mean not very
enthusiastic for everything expect a few, especailly, I don't like to
talk with others. Maybe it's because of the Internet, in one of my
articles about it, I found that since IM is quite popular and
convenience for people to communicate with others, many don't use
other ways at all, even face to face, and, what's more, I'm kind of
this type, always I don't know what to say to a stranger, or sometimes
even an acquaintance, in my mind, there's always those things I like,
about computers, programming, Linux... this kind of things, which is
not popular, that not many people would like to hear. However, the
'popluar' things such like pop music, are those I don't like most.
Often I found myself no having common language with others except a
few, and when I found someone shares interests with me, I could event
somewhat burn into tears.

I like computer since I was 6 years old, and I like those technologies
that very few people like or understand. Besides, other than computer,
hardly do I like anything, except a few, say, drawing, music (I mean
music, not songs), mathematics puzzles.

I'm always good at studying by myself, since my mother trained my well
when I was very young. And, I was well-trained when I was in high
school, when I took part in CMO (China Maths Olympic), from which I
got a careful and agile way of thinking. As a result, I'm always like
to reading and studying myself, and often I don't have much hard
problems to talk with others about.

There're probably many other reasons, that I'm not always talk to
others positvely. I've been like these for years, and I thinks I'm
losing the ability to comminucate. That's dangerous!

Before, I was dreaming of become a programmer, even carelless if I
would only be in the lowest-level. But, after seeing many facts about
programmers, especailly Chinese programmers, I found that always
programmers from China has a similar mind, the result is almost every
one is in the lowest-level. There was a one-sentence joke, saying
Americans run computer companys, got salary of $100 a month, Indians
manage projects, got salary of $10 a month, but Chinese do
programming, got salary of $1 a month. This is not only a joke for me.
I don't want to be a slave now, and I want to learn more than
programming and become a leader some day. And of course, the ability
of communicting with others is quite important.

When in the university, there's no TV in the dorm and I don't watch
Internet-TV. But I've watched TV a lot since I got home. I found many
good programs, and I found that the common life is so beautiful and
divert which I've not ever found. I'm happy to see, and become
confident to face it.

I decide to open my mind to the life, be positve all the time. It's
really bad to focus on only program, in that way, I'll become a robot,
I hate that! I'll try to find my new life.